Recap, Wrestlemania, Wrestling, WWF

Recap – Wrestlemania II

Wrestlemania II
Part 1: New York

Much slicker opening video package this time, and we go first to Vince McMahon in the ring at the Nassau County Colosseum, in a subtle yet gaudy (if that’s possible) tux, and he introduces his co-color commentator, Susan Saint James. Oh God, this (Mrs. Saint James’ commentary) can’t end well. We then go to Ray Charles singing America The Beautiful.

Then, we go to Chicago and “Mean” Gene Oakerlund at the Rosemont Horizon arena, who introduces our next interview, back in New York, with “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (with “Cowboy” Bob Orton) prepping for his boxing match with Mr. T. Piper promises that if Mr. T knocks him out he will retire from boxing, wrestling, twiddly-winks, and dating girls. Being that this is Piper we’re talking about, he’d probably get himself DQ’d before he let himself get KO’d. Finally, we go back to the ring for our first match.

The Magnificent Don Muraco (w/ Mr. Fuji) vs. “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff

Since Wrestlemania 1, Orndorff has since turned Face, and aligned himself with Hulk Hogan. Muraco and Orndorff briefly pose off. As they square off, we get some brief audio from the interviews leading up to the event. Meanwhile, Muraco and Orndorff lock up, they end up trading bodyslams. Muraco backs Orndorff in the corner, its a couple knees, and Muraco goes to whip Orndorff to the other corner, but Orndorff reverses the whip, and then lands a backdrop. Meanwhile, Mrs. Saint James, for all her talents as an actress, manages to provide color commentary so inane that it will not be topped until either WCW hires Mark Madden or the WWF hires Johnathan Coachman – I can’t tell which.

Orndorff continues working Muraco’s arm. Muraco breaks out with a Samoan Drop, and starts working Orndorff over in the turnbuckle briefly, before Orndorff builds up momentum again. Both men roll over the rope,with Orndorff’s foot briefly getting twisted in the ropes. Muraco starts working over Orndorff on the outsides, and the Ref rings the bell. We get our first “Bullshit” chant of the evening, and the first in the history of Wrestlemania, and not as impressive as the “Bullshit” chants that would come about after the advent of ECW.

While we wait for Howard Finkel to announce the winner, we briefly go to an interview backstage with Mr. T. It’s a decent interview, but Finkel makes his announcement during the interview, so I didn’t catch it. Ultimately, I had to go to Wikipedia to look up the finish.

Winner: No Contest – Double Count-out at 4:37
Rating: 0 – The wrestling was bad, and there wasn’t a real finish.

Intercontinental Championship Match: George “The Animal” Steele vs. “The Macho Man” Randy Savage (c) w/ The Lovely Elizabeth

Savage is a heel because he doesn’t know how to treat a lady right – at least that’s the reaction I’m getting from Mrs. St. James. During Savage’s entrance we get a PiP interview with Macho Man saying he’s the biggest superstar in the world at the biggest showcase in the world. I have to say, it’s odd seeing Macho Man here – he’s physically smaller, he’s got a headband instead of the cowboy hat, and his hair looks radically different. It has noticeably less body. Susan wants The Animal to kick Savage’s ass.

The Animal has body hair the likes of which shall not be seen until the coming of Prince Albert/Albert/A-Train/Giant Bernard. The Animal goes to lock-up, and Savage leaps from the ring like a gazelle. They go to lock up again, and again Savage artfully dodges out of the ring. They go to lock up a 3rd time, and a 3rd time Savage flees, and this time Steele pursues him, catching him by the ankle as Savage goes back in the ring, and starts biting his ankle.

Savage attacks Steele in the corner, Steele picks Savage up in a double choke and drops him. Steele gets distracted by Elizabeth (who apparently he has a crush on), and Savage attacks him from behind, getting Steele tied up in the ropes, and setting the boots to him. The ref frees George, while Savage goes up top. Savage goes for a flying forearm, Steele tries to roll through but somehow Savage gets on top, for a 1 count, before Steele easily powers out. Savage rolls outside to recover, and rolls back in to get the snot pounded out of him by Steele. Savage gets tossed out of the ring, and rolls under the ring and comes out the other side to attack Steele from behind. Savage tries to work over Steele again, only to have Steele chow down on an arm. Methinks the bookers have mistaken “Animal” and “Cannibal.” Savage rolls outside, grabs a bouquet of flowers from a fan at ringside, and rolls back in the ring and smacks Steele with this. How Savage gets away with this and The Natural Born Sinners get DQ’d for a rubber chicken is beyond me. Steele gets the flowers from Savage and smacks Savage around with the flowers, before whipping Savage into the corner and going… to chew on another turnbuckle, chewing the pad open and taking the interior foam and rubbing it into Savages face. They give chase on the outside before George is once again distracted. George goes to woo Ms. Elizabeth again, while Savage rolls back in the ring, goes up top, and hits a flying Double Axehandle. Steele is rolled in, and body slammed. Savage goes up and hits the Flying Elbow and Steele kicks out. Steele applies The Iron Claw! Savage gets Steele down and pins him using the ropes for leverage.

Winner: “The Macho Man” Randy Savage by pinfall using the ropes as leverage at 7:08
Rating: * – If they hadn’t overdone the “Steele is too dumb to press the advanage” spot, it might have rated a 2nd star.

We go back to Chicago while they sweep up the ring, where we have an interview for the NFL vs. WWF Battle Royal, with Gene interviewing Bill Brady of the Atlanta Falcons and Big John Studd of the WWF. We then go back to New York, where our next match is set up.

Jake “The Snake” Roberts vs. George Wells

George has “jobber” written all over him. However, Wells gets some offense early on. Wells seriously works over Jake, with a series of punches and a big back drop. George headbutts Jake, who takes page out of Ric Flair’s playbook with a big Flair-flop. George continues working Jake over in the corner. George hits a ‘rana! Damn! Powerslam on Roberts for 2.

Roberts eye-gouges Welles to regain control and slides out of the ring. Welles pursues Roberts out and back in, only to get a boot to the chest as he tries to get back in the ring. Roberts hits the DDT and gets the 3.

Winner: Jake “The Snake” Roberts by pinfall with the DDT at 3:07.
Rating: * – It’s actually a squash match, but it’s a Col. DeBeers Squash (where the person getting squashed gets some decent offense in, and looks like he has a chance, before getting beat in short order by the person doing the squashing).

After the match, Jake releases his snake. No, not that kind of snake, you pervert! I meant his python… no that doesn’t sound good either. Anyway, we get a brief video package setting up the upcoming boxing match between Mr. T and Piper, and then we go out to LA (venue #3) for an interview with Hogan on his upcoming match with King Kong Bundy. We then go back to ringside, where Howard Finkel gets to introduce our guest ring announcer, Joan Rivers, and the guest timekeeper – Herb, from a failed Burger King promotion (which hadn’t failed yet). Our celebrity judges for the upcoming boxing match are Joe Frazier, Cab Calloway, G. Gordon Liddy (yes, that G. Gordon Liddy).

Boxing match: Mr. T w/ Joe Frazier vs. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper w/ “Cowboy” Bob Orton

Start: 45:48. Finish: 59:08
I don’t know how to recap this, so I’ll just give the basics – They box for 4 rounds, and the Piper DQs himself by body-slamming Mr. T. I mean they box. I know wrestling, not boxing. I haven’t even watched a Rocky movie.

Winner: Mr. T by DQ at 13:20
Rating: * – is it wrong that I want to see pro wrestling at Wrestlemania?

Following the finish, the two “boxers” entourages fight each other while Finkel announces the winner and as the New York segment of Wrestlemania 2 comes to a close…

Overall Rating (New York): * – Not a lot of wrestling, and the wrestling there was wasn’t good. Mrs. Saint James wasn’t a great commentator, and the wrestling wasn’t anything special either. When all’s said and done, if you bought tickets for the Nassau Colosseum portion of the event, what you got probably wasn’t worth the price of admission.

Part 2 – Chicago

Our Chicago play-by-play man, Gorilla Monsoon is in the ring, and he introduces Okerlund – who will be joining him on Color Commentary, and his guest celebrity color commentator (oh god) Cathy Lee Crosby (who is, according to Wikipedia, a Scientologist). Our ring announcer is Chet Coppock (who I believe we never see again), and we get ready for our first match of this segment

WWF Woman’s Title Match – The Fabulous Moolah (c) vs. Velvet McIntyre

Moolah won the championship from Kai after Kai won it from Wendi Richter in The Original Screwjob.
This match is an out-and-out catfight. I want Wendy Richter back!!!!! Hair pulling (or using hair pulls for leverage in a snap mare), slaps, punches, and some horrifically sloppy drop kicks. Their ring attire is basically one-piece swimsuits! The only one wearing wrestling boots is Moolah!
Winner: The Fabulous Moolah by pinfall with a body press at 1:00.
Rating: 0 – Outright dud. This match is everything that’s wrong with American women’s wrestling, as far as the WWF is concerned. I say again – I want Wendy Richter!

Back at the announce table, Gorilla, Okerlund, and Crosby run down the Chicago segment of the card.

Flag Match: Nikolai Volkoff (w/ Classy Freddie Blassie) vs. Corporal Kirshner

Before the match, Volkoff sings Russian National anthem until Kirshner comes out to “The Caissons Go Rolling Along.” As the house lights come up I can see that we actually have a mat at ringside here (as opposed to Wrestlemania 1 and the New York segment here, where the mat was absent). Kirshner later wrestles as “Leatherface” in the FMW promotion in Japan. As the Ref frisks Kirshner we get a big USA chant from the crowd.
Volkoff takes the offense early on with a spinning kick to Kirshner’s gut, working him over for a bit, and then tossing him to the outside. Volkoff continues working over Kirshner on the outside. As Kirshner gets sent back in the ring he starts building up some momentum with some big right hands… up until the ref gets caught on the backswing and gets thrown across the ring like a rag doll. Blassie tries to hit Kirshner with his cane, but Kirshner takes the cane from Blassie and clocks Volkoff with it. Kirshner gets the pin for 3.

Winner: Corporal Kirshner by pinfall with a foreign object shot at 1:35
Rating: * – This could have been a good match, if they had, you know, taken the time to properly tell the story with the match.

Prior to the next match, we get the introductions for our guest timekeeper, Clara Peller (the “Where’s The Beef?” lady), as well as our guest referees, Dick Butkus and Ed “Too Tall” Jones.

20-Man Over The Top Rope Battle Royal (Everyone vs. everyone else, participants eliminated by being thrown over the top rope, with both feet touching the floor, last man standing in the ring wins)

Participants are:

  1. Jimbo Colvert – Super Bowl Champion Chicago Bears
  2. Pedro Morales
  3. “Mr. USA” Tony Atlas
  4. “Strongest Man In The World” Ted Arcidi
  5. Harvey Martin – Former Dallas Cowboy
  6. “Golden Boy” Danny Spivey
  7. Hillbilly Jim
  8. King Tonga
  9. The Iron Shiek (“Iran #1, USA Ptui!”
  10. Ernie Holmes – Former Pittsberg Steeler
  11. B. Brian Blair (1/2 of the Killer Bees)
  12. “Jumpin’” Jim Bronzell (the other half of the Killer Bees)
  13. “Big” John Studd
  14. Bill Fralic – Atlanta Falcons
  15. Bret “Hitman” Hart
  16. Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart
  17. Russ Francis – San Francisco 49ers
  18. “The Living Legend” Bruno Sammartino
  19. William “The Refrigerator” Perry – Chicago Bears
  20. Andre The Giant.

The match is going to be beginning with all the wrestlers in the ring, which is going to make this a bloody mess to keep track of, so I’m not even going to try. Bret comes out to the ring with a big grin on his face. Fridge stands on the top turnbuckle on his entrance and jumps down, which causes Okerlund to almost loose his footing.
Anyway, this is a battle royal, and Andre The Giant is involved, so my money’s on him. I’m not going to try to call this straight, because there’s too much to keep track of. I’ll try to track the eliminated wrestlers instead. Colvert tries to eliminate Tonga but manages to get himself eliminated in the process (1 # 2). Holmes gets eliminated next (#3). Next is Bronzell (#4). Tony Atlas is after that (#5), followed by Pedro Morales (#6) and Harvey Martin (#7). Ted Arcidi is the 8th man out. Shiek eliminates Blair (#9) and Jim gets eliminated next (#10). The Shiek is eliminated next (#11). Bruno goes by-by next (#12). Apparently 2 more guys got eliminated since then and I missed them, because all we’ve got now is Francis, Andre, Studd, Bret, Jim, and Fridge. Fridge goes to tackle Studd, but Studd slings him over the top (#15). Fridge calls for a handshake with Studd, Studd accepts… and gets pulled over the top and gets eliminated (#16). The Hart Foundation double-dropkicks Andre and gets him tied in the ropes. The Hart Foundation eliminates Francis (#17) leaving us with Bret, Jim and Andre. The Hart Foundation proceeds to work over Andre. Andre regains control, drags Jim up by his beard and Big Boots him over the top rope (#18). Andre picks up Bret and tosses him over the top rope for the win (#19).

Winner: Andre The Giant at 9:05.
Rating: ** – Frankly, as far a battle royals go, I prefer the Royal Rumble much better.

After the match, we go back to New York where Vince interviews Piper on the result of his boxing match, and then we go back to Chicago where Okerlund interviews Sheik and Colvert. This finally leads to our final match of this segment.

WWF Tag Team Championship – The Dream Team (Greg “The Hammer” Valentine & Brutus Beefcake w/ “Luscious” Johnny Valiant) (c) vs. The British Bulldogs (Dynamite Kid & Davey Boy Smith w/ Capt. Lou Albano and Ozzy Osbourne)

Start: 1:39:30. Finish: 1:51:34
Valentine and Davey start out in the ring. Davey and Valentine swap strikes, before Davey takes down Valentine and starts working over the Hammer’s arm. Smith tags in Dynamite Kid. Davey gets and arm-drag for a 2. Kid gets a snap suplex and elbow drop before tagging in Smith. Smith gets 2 off a vertical suplex. Valentine rolls out to catch his breath, before rolling back in, building up some momentum and then tagging in Beefcake. Beefcake wrings Smith’s arm for a bit, before Smith reverses it into a gorilla press slam and then tags in Dynamite Kid. Small package by Kid for 2. Smith gets tagged back in. Cradle suplex on Beefcake for 2.

Beefcake manages to work his way back to his corner and gets Valentine tagged in.Valentine starts working over Smith, before Smith manages to get close to friendly territory and Kid gets the blind tag. Dynamite Kid is an House! En! Fuego! Smith gets tagged in, double clothesline on Valentine for 2. Beefcake comes in for the save, briefly. Sunset flip by Smith for 2. Backbreaker for 2, before Beefcake breaks it up. Dynamite Kid ends up getting Ricky Mortoned. Valentine gets a piledriver for 2. Valentine goes to do a handstand knee drop (or whatever you call it) on Dynamite, but Dynamite manages to adjust his position, get his knees up and, well, ring Valentine’s bell. Valentine goes up, but Kid catches him and slams him. Kid goes for the pin, but Beefcake comes in for the save, and Smith comes in to respectfully explain to Beefcake the concept of the “Tag”. Both men in the ring for a bit, finally we get it back to Kid and Valentine. Kid gets a powerslam, but Valentine kicks out at 2. Vertical suplex for 2.
Valentine tags in Beefcake, locks Kid in a full nelson, and Beefcake hits the flying forearm. Kid goes for a snap mare, but Beefcake reverses it into a slam. Beefcake keeps working over the arm and tags in Valentine. Valentine hits a powerslam, gets 2, and picks up Kid’s shoulder to delay his victory – that won’t bite him in the ass. :rolleyes: Smith goes on the top turnbuckle and perches himself. Kid breaks out of a headlock by running Greg’s head straight into Smith’s head. Kid and Valentine both stagger, with Valentine falling on his back, and Kid on top of Valentine for the 3.

Winners: New Tag Team Champions The British Bulldogs by pinfall with an accidental headbutt at 12:04.
Rating: *** – We’re about 2/3rds of the way through the show and now, finally, we get a 3 star match… that’s not a good sign.

After the match, Okerlund interviews Albano and Osbourne. Surprisingly, the latter is completely intelligible and doesn’t swear.

Overall: ** – There wasn’t a decent match on this section of the card until the Tag Team Championship match – but it was a pretty decent championship match. All in all, the Chicago Fans came out better then the New York fans… but not by much.

Part 3 – Los Angeles

Our hosts for this segment are Jesse “The Body” Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and special celebrity guest commentator Elvira – Mistress of the Dark. I’ve actually heard Elvira on commentary before this (in a steel cage match between Marty Jannetty and Shawn Michaels after The Rockers broke up), and she’s alright, though I got the feeling that she didn’t like wrestling very much (not surprising), though she did call bullshit when Ventura, as a heel commentator, spouted it. By the way – no ringside mats here.

Hercules Hernandez vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat

Here we go. This should be decent. If you give Ricky enough time, he could get a *** match out of a ladder. (Note: Travel back in time, and take Steamboat to the 21st century for a dream match between Steamboat and Mikami’s Ladder in DDT).

Herc starts getting some big offense on Ricky, beating the poor guy from pillar to post (or rather corner to corner). Steamboat slides below Herc’s legs twice and strings a series of armdrags before setting to work on Herc’s arm. Let’s see you clothesline him now, you shaggy Steve Reeves wanna-be. Herc tries to get some offense in, but Steamboat ducks under it, hits a super-kick and then continues working the arm.

Apparently this time around Elvira is playing the heel side of the fence, deriding Steamboat as being a “wimp” because of the scarf tied around his left knee. Steamboat sends Herc for the ride, leaps over him twice and then hits him for a back elbow. Herc finally gets control by ramming Steamboat into the turnbuckle and then hitting Steamboat with a lariat which knocks him head over teakettle. Stungun by Hernandez on The Dragon. Steamboat tries to build some momentum with some chops, but Herc hits a bodyslam for 2. Herc continues working over Steamboat, but takes too long posing and only gets a 1 count on a pin attempt. Steamboat starts building momentum back up with some big chops, but once again gets decapitated by a Lariat. Hernandez press slams Steamboat not once, but twice. Hernandez goes up, goes for a big splash but Steamboat gets the knees up. Steamboat goes up himself. Steamboat hits the Flying cross-body and the win.

Winner: Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat by pinfall with the flying cross body at 7:30.
Rating: ** – They probably would have been better off with the ladder.

“Adorable” Adrian Adonis w/ “The Mouth of The South” Jimmy Hart vs. Uncle Elmer

Adrian has the “Ambiguously Gay” gimmick that the original Gorgeous George had back in the day, complete with the cross-dressing. Uncle Elmer is a redneck/hillbilly and comes out to banjo music. I can smell the crap a mile away. Tangency (and Other Media), I’m staying with this match for you.

Elmer cleans the clock of the Adorable One, “comically” punching him out of the ring twice. If you thought Shawn Michaels and Ric Flair getting whipped over the top rope in the turnbuckle, stumbling a few feet, and flair-flopping was over the top, that’s nothing compared to this.

(Elmer is ripping off Adonis’s dress)
Lord Alfred Hayes: Elmer has had enough of this finery, he’s going to show him how a country boy does it.
Me: *plays first few bars of “Dueling Banjos”*

Elmer continues pounding the crap out of Adonis. Adonis finally has enough and starts trying to build some momentum… for about 5 seconds. Adonis gets whipped in the corner and Elmer hits a big splash. Elmer goes for a “leg drop” (though in his case it would probably be a butt drop), but Adonis sits up, which takes out Elmer. Adonis goes up himself, hits a lame Flying Headbutt for 3.

Winner: Adrian Adonis by pinfall at 3:02.
Rating: 0 – If I had to choose between Adrian Adonis or the Christopher Street Connection, I’d prefer the Christopher Street Connection.

Before the next match, we have an interview backstage with Hayes and Hogan. In short, Hulkamania in running wild, and is going to run wild on Bundy.

The Funk Brothers (Terry and Dory “Hoss” Funk Jr. w/ “The Mouth Of The South” Jimmy Hart) vs. Junkyard Dog and Tito Santana

*Gleefully runs hands together.* Yeah, this is gonna rock. Even if this isn’t going to be the kind of hardcore brawl that Terry became known for later in his career (particularly after he went to ECW), this is going to kick much ass. JYD chases the Funks out of the ring. Terry does a circuit around the ring, throwing in a couple chairs. Oh, unlike the last match, Jimmy Hart has his megaphone this time.

Dory and JYD start. They lock up and Dory backs JYD in the corner. Terry desperately wants a piece of JYD, but Dory gets whipped into him as he comes into the ring, allowing JYD to hit some big body slams on the Funks, Santana comes in, and ultimately the Funks go outside to regroup. Dory returns in the ring, and tries to rile up Santana. JYD tags in Santana, Dory tags in Terry.

Terry and Tito lock up, and Terry hits some big slaps on the ropes. Terry goes for the ride, Tito evades the forearm, and Terry manages to avoid having his momentum carry him over the top rope, only to get knocked over by a big lariat by Tito. Dory comes in the ring, and Tito hits Dory with a series of drop-kicks. Terry gets back in the ring. JYD gets tagged in. Terry and JYD trade punches, with JYD getting control with a series of 10 head slams in one turnbuckle, and another 10 head slams on the opposite one for 2. Now JYD tosses Terry over the top rope and he goes almost all the way to the guard rail.

Terry tags in Dory, JYD tags in Tito. Dory starts working over Tito, but Tito gets control with a running forearm that only gets the 2 count. Dory and Tito criss-cross the ring, bouncing off the ropes, until Terry nails Tito from behind. Terry tosses Tori to the outside, and Jimmy gets a few quick boots in to Tito’s back before running from JYD. Terry and Dory stand on the apron and put the boots to Santana on the outside, while Jimmy provides some psychological warfare with the megaphone, before contributing another boot, bringing JYD in for the rescue again. Vertical suplex by Terry for 2. Terry goes for another vertical suplex, but Santana reverses it into a vertical suplex of his own.

*Santana is suplexing Terry Funk*
Elvira: Those better be strong trunks, because the way they keep pulling on those trunks (during the suplexes) they might get away then then we’d get a real show. *Woo*
Me: You realize that this is Terry Funk you’re talking about right, or were you referring to Santana and it just took you a moment to notice the use of the tights for leverage on the suplex?

After a running collision between Terry and Tito, Terry tags in Dory. Dory explains the concept of the “Ricky Morton” to Tito by demonstration. Terry gets tagged in, hits a bit of offense and makes the cover for 2. Tito cheap shots Terry to attempt to get some momentum up, without success. Tito tries to crawl around Terry to get to JYD, and makes the tag. JYD is a House! En! Fuego! Terry tries to choke JYD with a rope in his tights, but JYD sends Terry for the ride and backdrops him over the top. JYD headbutts Dory and back-drops Terry through the timekeeper’s table! ECW! ECW! ECW! (Wait, what? I’m several years early… nevermind then.) Tito works over Dory on the outside, The participants get back in their assigned places. JYD grabs Jimmy Hart by the hair, drags him up on the apron and punches him in the head. Funk gets a small package for 2. Tito locks the figure four on Dory, but the ref forces him to break it up. Dory returns to his position, and JYD goes to give him a piece of his mind, but Jimmy tosses him the megaphone, and the ref is distracted by Tito! Megaphone Shot! 1… 2… 3!

Winner: Terry Funk by pinfall with a foreign object shot at 11:42
Rating: *** – Very nice. Just about redeemed this part of the show.

After everyone’s left the ring, they begin assembling the steel cage around the ring. While we kill time, we get a stock footage package where they set up the feud. As well as a few interviews setting this up as well. We then get our guest ring announcer and time keeper who I’m not even going to bother with anymore.

Steel Cage Match for the WWF Heavyweight Championship – King Kong Bundy (w/ Bobby “The Brain” Heenan) vs. Hulk Hogan(c)

Start: 2:47:31. Finish: 2:57:48
I’ll be honest. This match is not going to be a technical classic. It’s going to be a brawl. Hogan can’t be arsed to wrestle unless he really wants to, and I really don’t think he’s gonna wrestle here, not with the brutality of the cage to fall back on. Not to mention, in this era of the WWF, a lot of wrestlers who were pretty good in other territories (like Memphis, and the AWA, and WCCW, not to mention the NWA affiliated promotions), tended to get fat, slow, and lazy when they got to WWF. I really don’t know how to call this match except for “Bundy pounds the crap out of Hogan, tries to escape and is blocked, and Hogan pounds the crap out of Bundy. Wash, rinse, repeat.” Bundy does get bust open though, which I have to say, as far as cage matches are concerned, if you’ve got two guys (or, for that matter, a guy in there who can’t wrestle, like Hogan and Bundy, or the original Sheik. Blood is your crutch to fall back on – at least until the introduction of garbage wrestling. When you could toss a garbage can full of god knows what in the ring and they’d pound the ever loving crap out of each other with that, and you could get some entertainment out of not knowing what they’d use.

Anyway, they trade blows back and forth, until after about 10 minutes of that Hogan finally hulks up, bodyslams Bundy (and you wonder why they thought he was on steroids), hits the Leg Drop, and escapes the cage.

Winner: Hulk Hogan by escaping the cage at 10:17.
Rating: ** – Decent brawl, but it’s liking calling a New Jack match – “New Jack hits him with stuff. New jack hits him with more stuff. New Jack occasionally gets hit with some other kind of stuff. New Jack gets yet more stuff, and hits him with it,” with occasional breaks of “New Jack jumps off something high.”

Overall: ** – Better than Chicago, and perhaps the best part of the show, but otherwise not very good.
Wrestlemania II Overall Rating: * – Remember how I said Wrestlemania couldn’t get worse… it got worse. Precisely 2 good matches in a 3 hour show. Depressing.